How turning 50 is an ongoing milestones of changes: seven insights
This is how I deal with the process of becoming half a century old: unexpected tears, lots of soup, feedback on my writing style and more!
The last few weeks was a mixture of expectations and setbacks with my lower back. My calendar again filled with medical appointments. After a good half year of progress I was forced to slow down when at the same time my head was screaming otherwise. It made me frustrated. The sound of an incoming message snapped me out of my selfpity. A friend texted:
Becoming 50… for me it was a turnaround in which I made some true life changing decisions.
I smiled and looked as the clouds passed my living room window. I realized that I have to find my own way to get through this passage of life. I had to find a way to hold on to the journey to find back my writing style.. and myself.. and find a way to stay meaningful.
Reading the news on the ongoing war in Ukraine and the horrific developments in the Middle East, I put things in perspective. Living with chronic pain for three years is nothing compared to what is going on in this restless world.
Yet I feel the need to somehow freeze the moment and write down what it means for me to turn 50 years old. Seven days before my birthday I followed the wise words of Paul Gaugain who said:
I close my eyes in order to see
And so I closed my eyes. I thought deeply, I walked and I wrote. One thought, a memory, a text message, a note on something I read. No indepth lessons, no reflections. Just simply about life.
Here it goes!
Seven days to go: eat soup!
Volunteering at a local biological garden project I learnt today that there are eleven soups you can make solely from vegetables. During a soup lunch we tried out: spinach-onion soup, carrot-leek soup, cucumber soup, beetroot soup, tomato soup, courgette soup, kohlrabi soup, pumpkin soup, onion soup, kale soup, cauliflower soup. Probably there are more. All are best to eat with home baked bread topped with butter. Real butter.
My favourite? Strangely enough it was the cucumber soup.
Six days to go: Don’t google!
It is not a good idea to ask google what it means to turn 50. My social media timeline is now filled with information. I learned that this age means big business. Advertisement of meditations exercises, weird looking herbal tea, vitamines, retreat offers to meet like minded women, coaches who help you through menopause. To top it off is an ad that keeps popping up: ‘how to organise your pension!’
Five days to go: be happy for someone else
My godson texted me about a project that resulted in a very successful outcome. On reading this my eyes teared up and I could burst with pride. As I have no children of my own it was definitely not maternal sobbing. An image of my godson who lived 1600 km from me popped up. His mother always made sure he did not forget me. Countless drawings, pictures and of course later handwritten letters were sent to me. Adulthood did not change the contact. Until today he gives me a sense of belonging as he still calls me ‘my aunty’.
Four days to go: Am I still relevant?
Six month ago when staying in Helsinki somebody who did not know challenged me to ask myself this question. On that same morning I had received a message from a reintegration coach saying that my age (49!), physical state and current job opportunities, I should be happy if a company actually wants to hire me. I remember feeling devastated.
This question opened my mind. Before I could speak out I heard her voice say:
YOU ARE RELEVANT!
No matter your age or circumstances! That is what life long learning is all about. You need to figure out yourself how you put YOUR relevance into practice.
Three days to go: Feedback makes you glow and grow!
We all learnt that that there is positive, critical and even negative feedback. I have decided to skip the last option. It does not work. Feedback is way to tell someone you appreciate the effort and give some ideas how to glow and grow! Besides exposing myself on this Substack journey, I also decided to send in some of my short stories to a writing contest. I did not win but got the best feedback ever: ‘Refine your writing style!’
That is exactly what I have been working on since May 2023!
Two days to go: Do you remember when you turned 25?
I celebrated my 25th birthday in Glasgow where I was doing a two year Masters at the University of Glasgow. The summer before my birthday two major events happened in my life that would determine the years to follow:
I came out as lesbian and my best friend suddenly passed away.
In the fall I went back to Glasgow for my second year. I was struggling with the question why my best friend’s had to die at such a young age. So when I moved into the campus student flat, I had no choice then to share with my new American, Greek, Canadian and Jamaican flatmates about my grief. They unanimously decided I need a birthday party! And so we organized a houseparty with lots of food. Everybody prepared something from their own home country. What we ate? Roast chicken, salads, homemade cakes, and wine. Lots of red wine..
When springtime came I wrote this in my diary:
“So life continues. How difficult things may be. I maintain to live in the trust that I can be who I am. However difficult I find dealing with life’s challenges, I believe in the notion that God has a purpose with my life.”
One day to go: Go dip in cold water!
What I experienced in life is that there are no wrong or right decisions. Every decision takes you to the next step. And the next… I am ok listening to the well meant advice of others. On the other hand I learnt that making decisions that is opposite to what people say around me are the hardest. It meant sometimes losing people that are dear to me. Looking back I realize that in the end nobody is going to put on the shoes I am wearing and walk my road instead of me.
Now it is time to stop lingering, reflecting and analyzing!
Instead I:
Choose one activity that is totally out of my comfort zone! Dipping in freezing cold water is one of them!
Go out alone to listen to my sound of silence and inner Voice.
Keep moving: alone or in a group!
Stop making big life plans. Instead I make them small and tangible. Day to day.