Understanding stages of grief whilst setting a firm foundation for your writing style
‘Do I have to go through all the pillars in order to gain back my personal writing style?!’ Find out what the answer is!
Hmm. I had to think about this question before replying to it. In case you just subscribed and wonder what these pillars are about. To give a little recap: rediscovering your writing style all starts with the definition of terms!
Above question reminded me of my time working as social worker. During my studies I was taught that people dealing with a great loss need to go through five stages of grief:
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
In that period of my life a good friend had passed away unexpectedly. Going through grief I remember being deeply affected by the books of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, founder of the five stages of grief. These stages gave me guidance and clarity for what I was going through. For many years experts believed that one needs to go through the stages of grief in that particular sequence. Going back one stage was considered a setback in the process.
Nowadays these stages are seen as a fluid flow that has no particular order. Grief does not go from stage to stage. The sequence, the timeframe and the way you and I experience grief through these stages are a personal journey.
Whilst writing this post, I realized, how much the four pillars that determined my writing journey so far, are actually rooted in the stages of grief.
No way! I LOST my writing style!
I wrote in may 2023. So actually my journey started with facing the fact that I had lost something. Since that first ‘aha’ moment I have felt many times sad, angry and frustrated. Every time I wrote something the void inside myself slowly filled with self doubt. I let myself linger for quite some time in that flow of uncertainty. Slowly I came to realize that there was (and still is!) only one way to come to acceptance:
I need to continue writing. Stories, experiences, flashbacks from the past, encounters, new insights. It doesn’t matter. As long as I keep writing. As I do right now.
The difference though with Kübler-Ross’ stages of grief, is that the foundation on which my writing style was built on had trembled. In order to create a solid ground for each pillar, I needed to get rid of the dirt and rocks in the soil. Then I was able to give a firm foundation to that pillar so it could stand again on its own.
To go back to the question:
´Do you need to go through all the pillars?’
The answer is simple: No, you don´t!
If you are serious about taking on this journey for yourself here are some ideas:
Make an outline what you want to (re)discover using the themes of the pillars.
Make a time schedule and stick to your plan!
Be prepared for unexpected turns, insights and challenges. It is all part of the journey.
In my next Substack notes I will share how I also linger back and forth through the pillars.
If you are new to this Substack and want to find out more about the pillars, start by asking yourself:
Do you remember which was the first book that was read to you?